Long Labour but all Good in the End

It all started on one glorious evening, a Friday evening. We started to get contractions, well what we thought could be contractions, it also just kinda felt like Braxton Hicks. That progressed throughout the night. By the time it was about midnight, I started to realise that they’re frequent enough, they’re not the same as my everyday Braxton Hicks. I felt like I was in labour, which I wish I didn’t notice at the time, I wish I didn’t notice until at least the day after. But because I was so anxious and so ready for birth, I’ve been looking for signs of birth for ages even though I wasn’t 40 weeks yet. But I was thinking in my head, “oh but we have guests over. My goodness what if I go and have baby in the next day or so and the guests are still here?” I’m thinking of the logistics of you know, ”how am I gonna hosts my guests?”

Anyway sha, AlhamduliLlah we were just like labouring throught out that time. We tried everything, I also wish that we didn’t try everything too early, because I tried the TENS machine, the different coping mechanisms. I was already in my grove ready to use all the things that they taught me, you know the breathing, the positive affirmations and everything from the birthing module that I did. Anyways, there was a lot of excitement, but I don’t think there was much fear at that stage because I wasn’t really into it. But at the same time, at the back of my head I knew that this isn’t real labour. I knew that real labour had to hurt way more than this. So...we were doing that Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

Saturday, we went to the hospital because my mum told us to. I knew myself that there was nothing wrong. However, my mum was like, “ah what if the baby is not okay? Go to the hospital”. So we went to the hospital because of that and they were literally just like, “you’re not even 2cm dilated. You gotta go back home girlie”. There was a little bit of fetal disturbance on the monitor so they kept us there for ages, told us to come back then tested a second time. I had eaten at that stage so baby is always really happy when I’ve eaten, so everything went smooth after that. They let us go. I’m really glad they let us go because the thought of them keeping me in...they probably would’ve ended up inducing me.

We went home, laboured some more. I was even more gingered to labour and do everything at home after that because the possibility of staying in the hospital would’ve been scary. So, we continued doing our thing on Sunday, then on Monday things started to heat up a bit. At this point my sister, Amirah, had arrived back from her holiday. Hence, in my mind I was mentally ready to have the baby by Monday. I didn’t expect that the labour will go on for that long. I think we had our call with Bolanle on Sunday night or so, this was when things started to intensify. Bolanle was telling me things that I kinda didn’t wanna hear. For example she told me that it didn’t look like I was leaning into labour yet, things like that. I was like, “course I am, I’m doing what everyone else is meant to be doing!” In my head I didn’t want to overreact, I really didn’t want to be like the typical movie style pregnant person that’s screaming out every contraction. I really wanted to ‘mo ra’, I wanted to keep it in. However, once Bolanle coached us through it that night I realised that what I do need to do is lean into it, so I let myself lean into the pain a bit more. Also knowing that my sister was going to be present, like my comfort blanket, I felt ready to labour. When my sister arrived, we (husband, sister and myself) started doing everything together and I thought “YES! I got the birth I wanted”. I’m sure it was stressful for them in the background...but for me, I had a great time! They prepared baths, massaged me, helped me with breathing. We also noticed that the contractions would slow down during the daytime.

On Tuesday we went back to the hospital, they said that I wasn’t dilated enough. They offered me to stay but I declined. I was a bit disappointed but if I am honest, I thought to myself, “birth shouldn’t be easy, everybody says that it’s the hardest thing ever”. I knew that I wasn’t doing the hardest thing ever at that stage, but still I was wishing that I would be one of the lucky ones that got it easy. After leaving the hospital for the second time we decided to go on a walk. We did curb walking, we went around our estate, walked up and down and the ball, I was up and up and down that ball. We went to Celbridge so I would be able to take my mind off things, we just tried to make things as normal as possible because I realised that I mentally activated labour mode too early.

Then Wednesday came, this was when we decided to use sage oil and castor oil. At that stage, Bolanle had already told us about her experience with someone who took two weeks to give birth. I was like, “you know what a week is my maximum, and we’re coming to a week now”. So, at this stage I was very eager to get things moving. Even though my labour would always slow down during the daytime, I didn’t lean too much into the disappointment because I had such good support. I also allowed myself to get to the point where I was able to let go of any feelings of embarrassment. So yeah, we went to Tesco to get the oils, while contracting...great memories. I had a great time, I can’t lie.

Once we got home, I decided to just go for the castor oil. This is when I called Bolanle to inform her of our decision to just go ahead with the castor oil. We did use some sage oil, but I knew that it wasn’t going to do it for me. Before taking the castor oil, I watched so many videos before taking it to compare the dosage to the dose Bolanle recommended me to take. Basically, I gathered that the 20ml Bolanle recommended was half of what I was meant to take, we were edging on the side of caution so I thought that was good.

About 2-3 hours after taking it I experienced minor diarrhea and I was like, “this is not working properly. I’m meant to be like pooping my brains out”, but I wasn’t pooping my brains out! Bolanle, my husband and Amirah were worried that I was going to become dehydrated (side effect of castor oil). Up until that moment I had never experienced serious diarrhea so I wasn’t worried at all, plus I felt so hydrated as I was drinking sooo much water during the whole labour. But....actually, yes, dehydration is a real thing! I remember after taking the second dose I did start to become dehydrated, so we tried to feed me with whatever I could keep down.

Soon after the night fell, and this was when Bolanle hopped on a flight to come over. I prepared myself for this night because for me this was the last night during which I was willing to labour. I was tired and I didn’t want to get to the point that I lost hope and lost energy for the actual birth. Something in my head said, “if you want energy for the birth...this needs to end now”. At that stage I was still holding onto the hope that I would give birth without an epidural or anything like that, and the voice in my head kept saying, “if you don’t give birth tonight, then you’re not gonna have the energy to do that”. So, I was really really relaxed and ready, and I leaned into it. I had a bath. I’ll never forget that bath. My husband set it up for me so beautifully with dim lights and hot water on my back...my back was killing me because of all the awkward positions I slept in, as I couldn’t sleep on my back nor on my side. During that night the contractions were flowing the way they should be, my husband and sister stopped informing me about the intervals between contractions. Soon later Bolanle arrived so I was feeling positive. We decided to go to the hospital but when we were in the car the contractions slowed down again...bummer.

At the hospital I was able to compare myself to the lady beside us and she was definitely in a more advanced stage than I was. For me, I didn’t want to go home because I had been in too much pain for too long...like that kind of pain is okay short term but it had become too much for me. The hospital midwife told me that I still wasn’t 3cm dilated. Then the same midwife from the night before saw me and was surprise that I was still here, she felt so bad for me. So she decided to repeat the vaginal examination because she knew that I was in active labour but for some reason I wasn’t dilating in accordance with those contractions. She could also see this from my behavior; instead of lying down, I was standing up with the fetal monitor attached to me as I was in so much pain. O sanu mi. She took over and got me admitted. In the labour room, they gave me the epidural which went very smoothly, then the male midwife broke my waters. He didn’t actually communicate this he just did it. I guess he just wanted to get on with his routine and figured that if he had asked me I may have declined...which would’ve messed up his routine.

Soon after there was a change of shifts. We got a Spanish midwife and a student called Tara. They were so much nicer and much friendlier, good vibes. They were so accommodating even toward my husband. As soon as I got the epidural, the baby monitor started going off so they did another vaginal exam and found that I was 6cm but with oedema on one side of my cervix. Also, baby was turned OT (occipito-transverse). A few moments later my midwife and student had to go on break. A new midwife came in and decided to get the doctors in as she felt that something wasn’t right (I also had a fever from the epidural). One of the doctors manually turned baby’s position to a more optimal one. However, as soon as she left the room and returned with a consultant, the baby had already turned back to OT. At this stage they truly believed that I would have to have a c-section but they decided we’d try a trial push. They told me to push like I’m doing a poo, but I had already did my research so, instead, I activated the muscles that are involved in coughing. I leaned into that cough and it did wonders. I gave it my all for the next push and they were like, “fantastic!” So they set up everything and soon baby was out. They did do a vacuum...I don’t think it was necessary but anyway AlhamduliLlah. I had an episiotomy and a tear so they stitched me back up.

I also think it’s important to mention that I had a consultation with a lactation consultant while in hospital for 15 minutes, which is not enough time. However, Bolanle came over to give me a proper consultation, that was one of the most useful things that I had. I also had a consultation with the public health nurse. The three together was just about enough.

*Online labour support.

*The hospital in which J.jay gave birth only permits 1 person as the birth partner.